June 23, 2011

5 years

Its been 5 years since the incident..
Today, I began to write again.. this time, not to impress anybody
just to express what I felt this very moment,
feel unsecured, afraid, sad and lonely.
Its funny how we can be sad over and over again, about something
and yet we can never laugh at the same repeated joke..
Sometimes, I felt like giving up everything, I want to rest, clear my mind..
I need somebody to talk with, but there's nobody I can talk to, not even my family
Its the reason why I write this. Just to lessen the burden that I've carried these whole years
not knowing whether Is it worth it. Why I've done this? Why I can't let it go?
am I that weak? I know there's god watching over me, helping me, showing the right path for me.
but, Im only a human being. No matter how strong I tried to be, there's one time that all this sadness & sorrow haunt me back.. People said time will cure everything, I tried to believe in that word, yet its already 5 years.. how many years does it gonna be. 10?20?
I always asked myself, why it is easy for other people to shed their tears? why it is easy for them to express their feeling?
Eventhough Im saying things that Im supposed not to say, I still believe in God and keep hoping that GOD has other plan for me. I may be not the best person for u, but I have become a better person than 5 years ago.. I maybe had changed, but these feeling never changed not a single bit for u.. and I prayed each and single second that u will be happy and success in what ever u do. Maybe in the future with god will, we will meet again and when we meet I'll show u the better person that I've become. I wont be here today if it isnt for revenge against u, but as time passes my revenge for u faded each minute and second because its hard to hold grudge against someone who show you what is love really like.
There was no lust, In my mind there's only 1 thing,
I want she to become the mother of my son.
Eventhough I never met her, not even once.
Since then, I believe that love is blind.